Love, in its essence, cannot be confined to laws or rules. It often requires sacrifice and can sometimes feel unfair to one party involved. As Allah says in the Qur’an, “And among His signs is this: that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts” (Qur’an 30:21). This verse emphasizes the natural connection that love fosters, a bond built on compassion and mutual understanding.
In today’s world, we see a high number of educated individuals. With the internet’s evolution, many are well-informed about their rights. However, the modern understanding of love often strays from the values held by previous generations, mainly due to an overemphasis on individual rights. People often forget that love entails a sacrifice of one’s rights, as true love is about giving of oneself without expectation. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their families” (Sunan Ibn Majah). This highlights that love manifests through our actions, particularly in our relationships with those closest to us.
We cannot legislate how much time or generosity one should offer to demonstrate love; it is a voluntary action that flows from the heart. For instance, a mother is not obligated to serve her child; she does so out of love. In the same vein, creating love between two people is possible as long as there is mutual respect and attraction. However, artificially boosting a relationship with lies and exaggeration will not sustain it. Once the truth is uncovered, respect is lost, and love falters.
It is disheartening to see the current generation lean towards rigid principles without considering the feelings of others. Many believe that every detail should be dissected and discussed openly, often leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. This very observation drives me to write this blog, to highlight the minor details that matter significantly in relationships.
As Muslims, we should love our spouses for the sake of Allah. As stated in the Qur’an, Allah places love and mercy in our hearts, which is fundamental to nurturing relationships. One crucial point to emphasize is that love cannot exist without respect. Respect is a vital aspect of any human relationship, as the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated, “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself” (Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim).
Understanding that men and women are different in creation is essential. Their desires in relationships often vary significantly. Men typically seek:
- Respect and Appreciation: A need to feel valued for their efforts.
- Physical Intimacy: A desire for closeness and connection.
- Support and Trust: The need for emotional backing and reliability.
On the other hand, women often desire:
- Emotional Connection: Deep communication and understanding.
- Security and Stability: A sense of safety, both emotionally and financially.
- Commitment: Assurance of dedication and loyalty.
While these desires may vary among individuals, recognizing these general tendencies can enhance relationship dynamics. Open communication and leadership from the husband play vital roles in fostering love. As Allah says in the Qur’an, “And do good to parents, relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, and the companion along the road” (Qur’an 4:36). This verse underscores the importance of respect and kindness in all our relationships.
True love flourishes through respect, emotional connection, and clear communication. It’s crucial to realize that living with someone reveals aspects of their character that may differ from your initial perceptions. The initial infatuation can quickly fade when faced with reality. Minor misunderstandings and disagreements are natural, but both partners must work towards resolving these issues together.
Love is indeed a natural phenomenon, and as Allah says in the Qur’an, He places love between hearts. However, this does not mean one can be complacent. Both partners must actively work on their relationship, fostering a mutual understanding and never taking each other for granted.
When discussing love between spouses, it’s vital to adhere to Islamic principles and not become subservient to one another. Doing so can lead to manipulation and control. In today’s world, there is a popular notion that one’s spouse should take precedence over everything else. This perspective can lead a man to neglect his elderly parents or his religious duties, ultimately causing issues in the future.
We must emphasize that while one should not neglect their spouse, balance is key. Love is about respecting and appreciating someone for who they are. If you are considering marrying someone and planning to change them to fit your preferences, the likelihood of a successful relationship diminishes significantly.
It’s human nature to realize that no one will have all the qualities we expect, or act exactly how we want. A big part of love is accepting and tolerating those differences. Trying to change someone after you get to know them can risk losing the traits that first attracted you. I do not highly recommend converting to Islam solely for the purpose of marriage. Many individuals who convert only for love may revert to their previous faith due to a lack of understanding, ultimately leading to resentment towards both their partner and the religion. As Allah guides us, may He protect us all from such trials.
In conclusion, love may not survive under strict routines or feel like a contractual obligation; rather, it should flow naturally. Love is fueled by emotional connection, mutual respect, and open communication. As we navigate our relationships, let’s remember to cultivate love in accordance with Allah’s teachings and the wisdom of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).